My husband and I went to DSW Shoes last weekend because George needed a new pair of sandals to wear on the kite-flying field. The store was busy that day; I’ll estimate 25 people were waiting in line for the four registers where cashiers were checking people out.
Ahead of us in line were two women; one probably in her late 30’s and the other in her early 20’s. The elder of the two had several tattoos on her face, including one of a tear drop near one of her eyes. The tattooed woman leaned over and quietly said something to the other, then they both walked briskly out of the store carrying three boxes filled with shoes, a backpack, and other merchandise.
It took a moment for my brain to register what my eyes were witnessing – a theft in broad daylight in front of something like 30 other people. I said to George, “I can’t believe I just saw that. What should we do?! Why didn’t I do anything?” It occurred to me I could have LOUDLY said, “Excuse me?! Are you seriously walking out of this store without paying for your merchandise?!” George went over to one of the cashiers and told him what had just happened.
I grew up on a farm in South Dakota; the closest town, Raymond—population now 53—was 11 miles away. Therefore, as you can imagine, I know next to nothing about gang culture. On the drive home, my husband pointed out that the woman’s facial tattoos likely symbolized gang affiliation. If you Google tear-drop facial tattoos like I did, you’ll find the meaning can be anything from prison time, committing a murder while in prison or being raped in prison…to solidarity with someone in prison, grieving the loss of a loved one or seeking revenge on behalf of a murdered friend.
Growing up where and when I did, there were no gangs, and almost no violent crimes against humans. Most farmers had guns they used regularly for hunting and shooting animals who threatened the garden or crops (which, by the way, always bothered me). I grew up trusting virtually everyone unless someone gave me a reason not to. A random internet search tells me that in the year 1972 the population of the entire state of South Dakota was 679,000 and that 8 murders and 106 robberies were committed in the state that year.
After that shoe-shopping excursion last weekend, the foundation of my feeling safe in the world was shaken. Either of the thieves may have been armed and opened fire in the store on the heels of yet another American school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, and a much less publicized March attack by extremists in Somalia that wiped out 60 lives.
When I walked into a store next, I felt scared for the first time in my life. I realize how blessed I was to grow up in an environment where I didn’t need to fear for my safety or life going to school or to a mall. Or going to bed at night or walking out my front door.
How do any of us live in a world where we can’t take for granted that we’ll be kept from harm’s way? We never really could. Any of us could be hit by the proverbial bus, smashed in our cars, fall getting out of the shower, or be diagnosed with a fatal disease right now, today.
Rather than be depressed by the possibilities, even though I may feel fear walking into a store for the immediate future, I want to share an unexpected inspiration I received from a dental hygienist a couple years ago. This is the kind of simple daily practice that can change the way any of us approach life.
I don’t recall how the topic came up, but with the time-frame, it probably had something to do with COVID and how it has so negatively impacted everyone on our precious planet.
Every morning when she wakes up and opens the blinds, this dental hygienist looks outside and says “Hello, World!” When she closes the blinds to go to sleep at night, she says, “Goodnight, World!”
I can’t think of any better way to welcome the world without fear, express gratitude for being here, and set yourself up for a fantastic day wherein you can freely express your voice. I’m going to try it. Why don’t you join me, and let me know your experience on the blog?!
After she is tragically orphaned, young Abella loses the ability to speak her truth and express herself. She is sent to live with a reclusive uncle she’s never met, and her only friend is her horse. Abella endures heartbreak, loneliness and questions who she truly is inside. Eventually, she meets friends and animals who help her not only regain her voice, but also uncover her strength and purpose. Purchase How Abella Found her Voice for $4.95 here: https://laurahandke.com/product/how-abella-found-her-voice-e-book/
Please spread the love and pass this along to a friend!
I met with a good friend recently, a woman I know because she works for my alma mater, South Dakota State University.
Over coffee, grapes, crackers, cheese and brownies, this friend and I had quite a lively conversation. Her job is taking care of people who donate large sums of money to SDSU and make sure their legacy is living on in the way that they want it to, to make an impact or a change.
There is substantial risk and commitment involved with going to college and getting student loans. My friend shared several amazing stories and examples illustrating just how important donor money is and the incredible amount of good these funds can do. I don’t recall at what point in the conversation I found myself saying, “I’ve learned that when you jump, the net appears.” (Whoever originally was quoted saying something like that could be anyone from John Burroughs to Les Brown; I don’t know for sure.)
My friend responded saying, “Wow, we are wired differently!”
I put some thought into what she said after our conversation.
Here’s what I came up with in case you might find it helpful.
I think my friend has a dream job that she’s fully suited to. She has a sense of diplomacy that inspires me. I’ve known only two people who have that highly-tuned sense of being able to help people understand each other with no-one feeling offended. It’s a true gift.
But are we really wired differently?
I wonder if we have simply wired ourselves differently.
I was wired to get good grades in school, to go to college and graduate, and then get a good job and a good retirement account. It was assumed I’d marry and have children. I think my mother was wired to expect me to marry a farmer the next acre over so we could get together for coffee every day.
The road of re-wiring hasn’t always been easy. My first breaking the apron strings was a summer in Orlando, Florida when I cried in the shower at 3:00 am getting up for that bakery job at Pantry Pride every morning, I was so homesick. I later found a job with a later day shift at a steak house that suited me better.
That summer away changed me. Relationships change us. So do jobs. I’ve heard people come home from trips to other countries changed. One friend recently told me she was never the same after a trip to Uganda, and that she left part of her heart in Africa.
I encourage you to Google “brain plasticity.” (Wikipedia: Neuroplasticity, also known as neural plasticity or brain plasticity, is the ability of neural networks in the brain to change through growth and reorganization. It is when the brain is rewired to function in some way that differs from how it previously functioned. ) You’ll find pages of neuroscientific studies on how neuroplasticity works and why it’s important.
Another monumental change in how I’m personally wired came about because of my first Wishweaving Circle or mastermind group, M to the 6th Power, formed in 1999. Being a member of this group completely altered my vision of what’s possible and my own personal potential. Now I always have some sort of Wishweaving Circle in place. For tips on how to start your own group, or even to look into joining mine, read here: https://laurahandke.com/the-power-of-a-wishweavers-circle-aka-mastermind-group/.
How are you wired? Do you like how you’re wired? If not, take heart knowing that you and your brain are perfectly capable of and suited for re-wiring!
After she is tragically orphaned, young Abella loses the ability to speak her truth and express herself. She is sent to live with a reclusive uncle she’s never met, and her only friend is her horse. Abella endures heartbreak, loneliness and questions who she truly is inside. Eventually, she meets friends and animals who help her not only regain her voice, but also uncover her strength and purpose. Purchase How Abella Found her Voice for $4.95 here: https://laurahandke.com/product/how-abella-found-her-voice-e-book/
Please spread the love and pass this along to a friend!
I went to Albertson’s today for a few grocery items. I love it when the grocery list is small, unlike when I’m preparing for a dinner party. You get in and out quickly, and the bill is a heck of a lot less.
I’m putting a 15-bean soup with homemade vegetable broth and some sliced spicy sausage in the crock pot tomorrow morning, and plan to make a loaf of easy artisan bread to go with it for dinner tomorrow night. There was another item I also needed – SHAKE ‘N BAKE. Sometimes when George and I want an easy dinner, we’ll make chicken strips with SHAKE ‘N BAKE, put some frozen French fries in the oven, and whip up a quick salad. (Perhaps not the healthiest of meals, but better than SpaghettiO’s with Texas toast and chocolate cake, right?)
But the store was out of Chicken SHAKE ‘N BAKE. Or so it first appeared. I peered onto the top shelf and saw one lone box, with a wrinkle in it, nearly to the back. I didn’t want the generic brand. Standing on my tip-toes, I tried using the generic box to knock over the SHAKE ‘N BAKE one and pull it closer to me. (I’m 5’, 6”.) I couldn’t reach it. I looked across the aisle and found a syrup bottle. That was taller. And it didn’t work either. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw a tall, Black figure perpendicular to me pushing his grocery cart forward and not going down the same aisle. “I can get help!” I thought.
I put the syrup bottle back and went to look for the African American man. And then I thought, well, I should probably ask a tall store employee, or any employee who can get a stepstool or something.
There was only one tall employee and he was busy checking people out. All of the employees were busy. So when I found the customer in the freezer aisle, I went ahead and approached him.
Perhaps it’s just my imagination, but I wonder if African Americans keep to themselves in Albertson’s, and other stores around here, because of a reluctance to make direct eye contact with people. I found I needed to directly approach the man. Who was probably somewhere around 6’, 4” and, ahem, very good-looking.
The conversation went something like this.
Me: May I please ask you a huge favor? (Smile.)
Him: Yes. (Smile.) What is it you’re looking for?
Me: A tall person! (Smile.) I’m trying to get this box of SHAKE ‘N BAKE off of the top shelf and I can’t reach it. It’s in the flour aisle. I was trying to use a syrup bottle to get it and it didn’t work.
Him: Oh, I’m sure we can do much better than that. You don’t need to be using a syrup bottle.
We walked to the flour and baking aisle together.
Me: It was the last one.
It turns out it wasn’t the last one; there were three! I opted for two.
Me: Thank you so much!
Him: You’re very welcome.
Me: You’re the best!
Him: Happy to help.
Why am I writing about this?
Well, a couple of reasons…
Since moving here in 2007, I have found Lake Oswego to be an open and easy town to live in, whether interacting with people who have multi-million dollar homes facing the lake, or in the more forested area with less expensive homes like where I live in the Lake Grove area.
Yet Lake Oswego also has a history of racism I’ve only recently become aware of. I see few people of color in Lake Oswego. In Albertson’s today I saw only two people of color. The Black man I approached, and the Black man who often works in the bakery.
I spoke with a dear friend of mine, a voice student who is African American, before I published this. Could it be that Black people are less likely to make direct eye contact in a public place filled with mostly white people because of a history of systemic racism? That makes me sad. And it makes me angry. It makes me wonder what I can do to help change things so that everyone in a grocery store, or anywhere else, is comfortable making direct eye contact with others, if that’s what they want to do.
There is one thing any of us can do. If we observe racist behavior, we can use our voices to call it out…that is not okay; stop it!
The other reason I’m writing about this experience is that it brought about joy for two strangers in a grocery store to randomly meet and give and receive help. It was fun. And that has nothing to do with race or culture, just humanity.
After she is tragically orphaned, young Abella loses the ability to speak her truth and express herself. She is sent to live with a reclusive uncle she’s never met, and her only friend is her horse. Abella endures heartbreak, loneliness and questions who she truly is inside. Eventually, she meets friends and animals who help her not only regain her voice, but also uncover her strength and purpose. Purchase How Abella Found her Voice for $4.95 here: https://laurahandke.com/product/how-abella-found-her-voice-e-book/
Please spread the love and pass this along to a friend!
The first place I ever publicly sang, outside of school, was in the First Presbyterian Church, Raymond, South Dakota, population now 53.
Raymond is 11 miles from the farm I grew up on, and I always loved singing in church and being an angel in the Christmas Eve. service – ouchy wings, itchy halo and all.
Yes, I grew up in a house on the prairie, although it wasn’t all that little. More like medium size. I read every book Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote and was so excited when the TV Show aired for the first time! My younger readers and students may not remember Little House on the Prairie, yet many may be newly introduced because of the re-runs on channels like Peacock. https://www.peacocktv.com/
Your voice isn’t about just physical vocalization; it’s about how your most heartfelt values are expressed from your inner voice through your outer voice.
Perhaps you’ve heard people use a racial slur and didn’t know how to respond. When I was young, a close family member told me that birds of different varieties don’t interbreed, so why should humans? Even though I didn’t have an understanding of racism at such a young age, I knew in my heart that was crazy talk.
Michael Landon put such themes into his scripts and onto our television sets starting in September of 1974 with Little House on the Prairie. The hardship of pioneer prairie life. Bigotry. Division amongst town people. Bullying. The stuff I can’t believe we’re still dealing with today in 2022.
Yet I’m still rewatching the episodes, because somewhere in them is hope. There’s usually a happy ending, yes, but hope is different than a happy ending. Hope means you believe what caused the problem in the first place can change.
That’s how I think about it, anyway.
I was so impressed with Karen Grassle’s memoir, Bright Lights, Prairie Dusthttps://karengrassle.net/ that I wrote her a personal snail mail letter. And I heard back. I was thrilled! These are the notes I received.
Whether you sing or not, speak publicly or not, write books or not, I encourage you to keep taking on new challenges, as Karen Grassle said to me. And I encourage you to read her book!
Thanks, “Ma.”
After she is tragically orphaned, young Abella loses the ability to speak her truth and express herself. She is sent to live with a reclusive uncle she’s never met, and her only friend is her horse. Abella endures heartbreak, loneliness and questions who she truly is inside. Eventually, she meets friends and animals who help her not only regain her voice, but also uncover her strength and purpose. Purchase How Abella Found her Voice for $4.95 here: https://laurahandke.com/product/how-abella-found-her-voice-e-book/
Please spread the love and pass this along to a friend!
My newsletter didn’t go out as usual last Friday because I was on a road trip to the Midwest!
My uber awesome niece, Claire, got married at a lovely venue (http://www.thebarnatdunvilla.com/) in Pelican Rapids, MN on May 21st, which just so happens to be my husband’s birthday. We decided to hit the road instead of the airports and airplanes this time.
The wedding was beautiful and we had a chance to spend quality time with a lot of my family members, and see some breathtaking scenery along the way.
Another highlight was having a personal tour of the Oscar Larson Performing Arts Center right on the campus of my alma mater, South Dakota State University. It is a world class facility along the lines of Carnegie Hall in New York. Just walking into the theatre gave me goosebumps.
We also spent many hours in the car, and along the way I noticed my already tight pecs were getting painfully more so.
Tight pectoral muscles are common now because of the way we live, often hunched over our cell phone or other devices. I’m at the piano keyboard when I teach voice, and at the computer keyboard when I write. That’s a good chunk of my life!
If you have tight pecs, too, here’s an exercise (53-second video demonstration above) given to me by a prior voice student, massage therapist Don Beatty. Check it out – it will help!
After she is tragically orphaned, young Abella loses the ability to speak her truth and express herself. She is sent to live with a reclusive uncle she’s never met, and her only friend is her horse. Abella endures heartbreak, loneliness and questions who she truly is inside. Eventually, she meets friends and animals who help her not only regain her voice, but also uncover her strength and purpose. Purchase How Abella Found her Voice for $4.95 here: https://laurahandke.com/product/how-abella-found-her-voice-e-book/
Please spread the love and pass this along to a friend!
If you’ve read my first book, Six Degrees to Your Dreams, you know I subscribe to the six degrees of separation theory, which I call six degrees of connection. WhatIs.com describes it this way: Six degrees of separation is the theory that any person on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries.
It’s like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon movie trivia game, which goes like this. Pick any actor alive today. Let’s say Julia Roberts. She was in Flatliners with Kevin Bacon, one degree. How about John Travolta? He was in Phenomenon with Forest Whitaker, who worked with Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, who was in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon. Three Degrees. Keira Knightly? She co-starred in Pirates of the Caribbean with Johnny Depp, who was in Black Mass with Kevin Bacon. Two degrees.
Thanks to my interview with filmmaker Paul Bright, I learned I’m three degrees from Kevin Bacon since Paul is two!
But that’s not where the synchronicities end.
Early in 2021, I was in a short play for Chapel Theatre’s Winter Play Festival, and so was Paul, in a different play. I watched all of the shows and was stunned by Paul’s noteworthy performance as a heron. Yes, the large waterfowl. I reached out to him on Facebook and we became connected that way.
Months previously, my co-writer, Jen, and I had been finalizing the script for our first play, Second Chances. I put out a call for local actresses to read via Zoom and give suggestions on the script. Three of the talented and experienced actresses who helped us were Yelena King, Eleanor O’Brien and Maria Mogavero.
When I found out Maria had experience with screen-writing, she started helping me with another project. Then in June of 2021 Paul was looking for “extras” (watch the video to find out why Paul doesn’t like the word “extra”) for just 15 minutes of Pocket Mouse Protector shooting in a park in NE Portland. Just guess which three actresses were already cast in the film? Ahem, yes, Yelena, Eleanor and Maria. How many degrees is this now? I’m getting confused. Anyhoo, I got a free listing on IMBd and $20 for my time, energy and gas money; I thought, “Why not?!” Speaking of degrees, the park filming turned out to be on the hottest, driest day of the summer. Thankfully, a huge old oak tree provided shade.
That was nearly a year ago, and now the movie is done and being submitted to film festivals. Watch my interview with Paul for more details!
PS. I joined Paul and some of my castmates for a private screening Tuesday evening. It turns out I’m not actually in the film! Paul thought I was – the camera scanning seemed to stop just before me. He’ll look through the footage, but regardless, since I was there, I have my role as Government Liaison. I was impressed with how well the movie came together after being filmed and edited under challenging circumstances. Be prepared for some partial nudity, a variety of bedroom scenes, and you may always wonder exactly how to pronounce the word perignothis.
Better to hope for the best and deal with the worst, than expect the worst and miss the best. -Sarah Morgan, from her novel “One Summer in Paris”.
After she is tragically orphaned, young Abella loses the ability to speak her truth and express herself. She is sent to live with a reclusive uncle she’s never met, and her only friend is her horse. Abella endures heartbreak, loneliness and questions who she truly is inside. Eventually, she meets friends and animals who help her not only regain her voice, but also uncover her strength and purpose. Purchase How Abella Found her Voice for $4.95 here: https://laurahandke.com/product/how-abella-found-her-voice-e-book/
Please spread the love and pass this along to a friend!
